...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
