Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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