Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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