dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
