the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
