I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
