...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
