my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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