there's paper in my vomit.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize