let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
