Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
