I have demons in me.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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