He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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