Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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