Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
