if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize