I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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