now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
jump out the window naked night went bad
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