so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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