My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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