She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
