well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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