My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
