the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
