your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
