i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
