grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
babies were throwing up all over the place
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
