They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
