Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
