you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
And then he peed in my hair
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