The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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