i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
