how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
