Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize