Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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