nut hugger
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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