Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
