naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
the raccoons are back...
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