Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
