me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
