I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
