Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I would ride that face into the sunset
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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