Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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