I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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