I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
