So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
