It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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