i was rollin on her like bob the builder
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
