My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
