why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
