I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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