Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
