I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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