her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
