jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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