i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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