What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
