apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Farmville is her only friend.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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