here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
