Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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