I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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