i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
