you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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