just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
