Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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