Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize