I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
